Gallifrey Falls No More

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Rules of Whovians

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1Rules of Whovians Empty Rules of Whovians on Mon Aug 04, 2014 1:10 am

The Chameleon

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General Rules

Rule 9: You must always stand and march when “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” plays and sing along with Whovians everywhere.

Rule 10: All Hail Sue from Catering.

Rule 17: Until you became a Whovian, you’d never heard of “Trock” music…Now you’ll never get enough.

Rule 33: Alienating your friends until they watch Doctor Who is a necessary evil…only then will they understand.

Rule 50: Comparing everything to Doctor Who is completely normal and accepted.

Rule 54: “Allons-y” and “Geronimo” are acceptable battle cries.

Rule 59: “Lots of planets have a North.”

Rule 69: It’s DOCTOR Who…not Dr. Who…never abbreviate Doctor!

Rule 79: Everything and anything can be a Doctor Who reference.

Rule 115: ‘Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey’ is an appropriate response to any question and is not an arguable point.

Rule 116: “Go to your room” will always be terrible last words.

Rule 117: Respect the thing.

Rule 120: All that I’ll ever need to know in life I will have learned from Doctor Who.

Rule 121: It’s perfectly acceptable to look for a blue box police box when you go outside.

Rule 122: When something doesn’t make sense, go poke it with a stick.

Rule 138: The United Kingdom is where everything happens. EVERYTHING. And American Whovians will always be annoyed by this.

Rule 141:  Everything has its time…and everything ends…(even the run of your favorite Doctor)

Rule 145: Always wait five and a half hours.

Rule 147: It is perfectly acceptable to get your knowledge of history from the adventures of a 900 year old Time Lord.

Rule 150: Dreams are important. Never underestimate them.

Rule 151: Rest is for the weary. Sleep is for the dead.

Rule 152: Mobile phones have more uses than calling and texting. (Like engaging Cybermen emotions.)
Rule 160: It’s perfectly acceptable to use the word “sonic” as a verb.
The Doctor

Rule 1: The Doctor Lies

Rule 4: The first Doctor you watch will be your favorite…except for the weird case of “David Tennant Fever”.

Rule 35: The world doesn’t end because the Doctor dances.

Rule 37: The Doctor is usually the first to argue with History.

Rule 38: Bowties are, and always will be cool!

Rule 39: Fezzes are cool!

Rule 40: Stetsons are cool!

Rule 41: Bunk beds are cool. It’s a bed…with a ladder!

Rule 45: Always wear brainy specs-they make you look clever.

Rule 47: The Doctor’s clothes are appropriate in any time and place.

Rule 75: “For a time traveling alien, the Doctor sure spends a lot of time in modern London”

Rule 86: This man is “The Doctor” not “Doctor Who”. Therefore, it is acceptable to correct others if they get it wrong.

Rule 88: The best gift you can give is air from your lungs.

Rule 90: The Doctor is in charge.

Rule 91: He’s not “The Professor”. He’s “The Doctor”.

Rule 92: If the Doctor ever holds out his hand to you, you take it…and you RUN!

Rule 93: It is common courtesy, when put under arrest, to step into a police box and arrest yourself.

Rule 98: “Stop talking, brain thinking, hush!” is appropriate in MANY situations…

Rule 99: When it comes to guns…the Doctor would NEVER.

Rule 100: 3D glasses aren’t for movies, they’re for seeing Void Stuff.

Rule 101: “Well” is an appropriate response to almost any situation.

Rule 102: Sometimes the Doctor needs someone to stop him

Rule 112: Don’t diss the sonic

Rule 113: Never knock four times.

Rule 114: The Doctor doesn’t look human. We look Time Lord.

Rule 125: New teeth are weird.

Rule 126: 3D glasses aren’t just for movies.

Rule 127: When wacky stuffs going on, the safest place is next to the Doctor.

Rule 128: When in doubt, go barefoot; you’ll look daft with just one shoe.

Rule 136: Three I’s in one breath make you sound very egotistical

Rule 140: The Doctor will never be ginger.

Rule 146: Your lover may be the King of France, but he’s the Lord of Time.

Rule 157: Striped scarves, celery, Converse, bowties, fezzes, and generally anything the Doctor wears will always be “cool.”

Rule 161: The Doctor will teach you some very valuable life lessons. For example: you can’t wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet.

Rule 164: The Master cannot kill the Doctor without humiliating him first.

Rule 165: If the celery turns purple, eat the celery. (If anything, surely it’s good for your teeth.)

Rule 166: If you’re going to die, you might as well die in style.
Rule 170: The Doctor doesn’t land on Sundays. Sundays are boring.

Rule 3: Don’t be surprised if you find yourself gazing longingly at the sky, ears straining to hear the distant sounds of the TARDIS…this is normal.

Rule 13: The TARDIS must always be called “Sexy” in private

Rule 16: TARDIS blue will become one of your favorite colors.

Rule 26: The TARDIS isn’t really supposed to make that noise. The Doctor just leaves the brakes on.

Rule 89: It’s okay to leave the TARDIS brakes on if they make a cool sound.

Rule 131: It’s okay to notice it’s bigger on the inside.


Rose Tyler

Rule 2: Doctor Who makes everything better…except Doomsday…that’ll just make you feel worse.

Rule 15: Doomsday will always make you cry

Rule 23: It’s okay to cry when you hear the word “canary”

Rule 36: When the Doctor kissed the Matron in “Family of Blood”, I (you) still wished it was Rose.

Rule 67: “I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye” can be an acceptable replacement for “I love you.”

Rule 133: Rose isn’t dead. She is alive, so alive.

Mickey Smith

Rule 52: You still call Mickey an “Idiot” even if he did turn into a BAMF.

Rule 162: You CAN save the universe with a big yellow truck.

Rule 163: You can learn to adequately fly a zepplin on a playstation.

Rule 171: Mickey may be the man in Havana and the technical support…but really, he’s the tin dog.

Jack Harkness

Rule 19: Captain Jack no longer represents a pirate, but an immortal ex-Time Agent…

Rule 28: “Captain Jack Harkness” is a come on.

Rule 55: Don’t try to figure out how the Face of Boe became only a head. It’s a secret Jack would never tell.

Rule 58: Captain Jack Harkness will have you at Hello.

Rule 65: being in total shock when you find out that Jack is the Face of Boe is completely normal.

Rule 87: It’s perfectly normal to be sexually frustrated after meeting Captain Jack Harkness.

Martha Jones

Rule 118: It is never okay to hate on Martha Jones just because she isn’t Rose Tyler. She may not be Rose, but she does offer the Doctor a lot of support and help when he needs it.

Donna Noble

Rule 18: “Oi” will always remind you of the brilliant Donna Noble…

Rule 24: Don’t question it, just Turn Left

Rule 119: Donna Noble is the most important woman in the universe.

Rule 149: Donna’s leaving the Doctor will always be the saddest because she will never remember her adventures.

River Song

Rule 11: Every plot hole can be plugged with the word “Spoilers”.

Rule 95: Killing people is wrong. Unless you’re River Song.

Amy Pond

Rule 25: It is wrong to ship Amy/11

Rule 135: Never trust mother-in-laws
Rule 159: It will always be the night before your wedding.
Rory Williams

Rule 21: Rory Williams > Chuck Norris


Rule 31: Torchwood is real. They produce Doctor Who to make audiences believe it is all fictional.

Rule 124: Torchwood is the Doctor’s enemy.


Rule 8: Thou shalt never speak a word against Brigadier Sir Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. He was the greatest man that the Doctor ever knew.

Rule 14: Don’t wander off…bad things happen when you wander off.

Rule 29: Being nice to the Doctor is not a prerequisite for surviving the episode.

Rule 104: It doesn’t matter if you’re old, fat, and blue. If you own the Doctor a favour, he will come to collect.

Rule 111: Everyone knows who Harriet Jones is.

Rule 132: Friends leave, but they’re always your friends.

Rule 137: There’s always something to live for.

Rule 155: A K-9 truly is a man’s best friend.

Rule 156: It’s completely acceptable to be so emotionally invested in one-episode companions that you cry for days.


Weeping Angels

Rule 20: Never blink when near a statue

Rule 27: There’s nothing creepier than a weeping angel.

Rule 56: The Statue of Liberty is a Weeping Angel, only she never moves because people are always looking at her.

Rule 80: See winged statue?

Either a.) Don’t blink or b.) Fall to the ground crying, because let’s face it. You don’t stand a chance.

Rule 103: Don’t blink. Blink and you’re dead.

Vashta Nerada

Rule 48: Stay out of the shadows

Rule 63: Always count the shadows…if it’s double, you’re dead.

Rule 70: A library is a forest. Beware…because the Vashta Nerada still live in its trees.


Rule 51: It’s okay to poke at the mannequins in the department stores. How else can you be sure that they are not Autons.


Rule 62: Remember you can’t shoot Sontarans…


Rule 130: Stair are no appropriate safety measures againts the Daleks.

Rule 153: This is a “Dalek” not “Metaltron.” (Wrong fandom, moron.)


Rule 154: Refusing to wear Bluetooth because they look like Cybus Earpods is perfectly normal.


Rule 158: They say to “never trust a nun, never trust a nurse, and never trust a cat.” Beware the Sisters of Plentitude.


Christopher Eccleston

Rule 60: Christopher Eccleston will always be the most unappreciated Doctor.

David Tennant

Rule 12: David Tennant in a kilt is one of the most erotic photos you will ever see…

Matt Smith & Karen Gilliam

Rule 110: #SecretlyMarried



Rule 5: Moffat is a Troll. In fact, he’s King of the Trolls.

Rule 6: Moffat is a sadist.

Rule 7: “Moffat!” is an acceptable curse in some situations.

Rule 34: The Moffat “Specials” are among some of the best.

Rule 139: Trust in the Moff! He will not lead you astray!


Rule 22: Remember this…the Royal Family isn’t exactly as they seem

Rule 30: “Bad Wolf” is something much worse than a character from a fairy tale…

Rule 46: When you see cracks in the wall it makes you want to scream and hide.

Rule 53: Unopened fob watches will make you rethink the word “fiction”.

Rule 57: You do not, ever, under any circumstances discuss the series 4 finale, including the Christmas special finale. None. Never. No, seriously, you can risk drowning in Whovian tears. It’s just not cool.

Rule 61: If you’re going to die, die looking like a Peruvian Folk Band.

Rule 71: If you see something move in the mirror from the corner of your eye, always assume it is Sister of Mine.

Rule 72: Never underestimate the power of a Jammy Dodger.

Rule 73: You can’t let your mind wander when using psychic paper.

Rule 77: Only show up at weddings for the dancing.

Rule 78: Bananas are good.

Rule 81: Always waste time when you don’t have any…Time is not the boss of you!

Rule 82: Never run when you’re scared.

Rule 83: Never knowingly be serious.

Rule 84: You must always check the clocks when you enter a room to make sure they’re the only thing ticking…

Rule 94: Time can be rewritten.

Rule 105: Always bring a banana to a party.

Rule 106: Sharing Jelly Babies is not only polite, but it might save your life.

Rule 107: Bendy straws add a little more fizz to any drink.

Rule 108: When it goes “ding”, there’s stuff.

Rule 109: A water pistol is a valuable weapon.

Rule 168: Time is not the boss of you.

Rule 169: Books are the best weapons in the world.

Rule 134: Never ignore a coincidence. Unless you’re busy, in which case, always ignore a coincidence.

Rule 143: Eldrad must live.

Rule 144: The Quest is the Quest.

Christmas Specials

Rule 49: Christmas isn’t the same without an alien invasion.

Rule 64: Christmas trees are violent

Rule 68: Everyone is important.

Rule 74: “Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan.”

Rule 85: Don’t eat the snow. It could be Sycorax ash.

Rule 97: Snow will always have you asking yourself “what spaceship went and blew up in our atmosphere again?”

Rule 123: The Sycorax deserved to live.

Rule 129: You can hypnotize someone to walk like a chicken, or sing like Elvis, but you can’t hypnotize them to death.

Rule 148: You will spend a Christmas in London. It increases your chances of meeting the Doctor.

Rule 167: If you require the services of the Doctor…Make a Wish.


Rule 32: It’s perfect okay to own a sonic screwdriver.

Rule 66: it’s perfectly normal to wear things with Doctor Who on them as a way to meet fellow Whovians.

Rule 76: The Doctor Who soundtracks will always be better than the radio.

Rule 96: It’s perfectly normal to take up knitting or crocheting just to make the 4th Doctor’s scarf.

Rule 142: It is totally acceptable to spend all your money on Doctor Who merchandise.

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